By Tony Porter
Truth be told, we as a society have never been more connected and visible to one another. And yet, when I look at boys and young men in particular, it’s evident we’re in a crisis of loneliness. Recent figures from the World Health Organization show that between 17 and 21 percent of young people worldwide report feeling lonely, with the highest rates among those aged 13 to 17 (World Health Organization, 2025).
Youth loneliness is not only about disconnection. It reflects a culture where connection has become optional, and when something is optional, it becomes a choice. The conversation often focuses on young people, but this is about all of us. In many ways, our society is built around adults. You can move through life and succeed without ever having to understand or invest in young people’s experiences. Too often, we are not exercising that choice. We react when something goes wrong, but we are not paying attention to who young people are, what they feel, or what they carry.
This is where loneliness gets misunderstood as simply being alone. A young boy can be constantly connected, gaming, texting friends nonstop, and still feel disconnected. What matters is not just access to people, but the quality of those interactions and whether they leave a young person feeling seen, heard, and supported.
Interacting with others used to be built into everyday routines. You had to engage with people to move through the world. Now, much of life can happen without leaving your home. School, entertainment, communication, and even basic needs can be met through a screen. Today, young people are spending much of their waking hours in digital spaces, where connection is constant. But those spaces do not always foster the kinds of relationships that build emotional understanding, trust, and a sense of belonging. Back in the day, one form of discipline my parents and others used was telling us we couldn’t go outside to play. Today, discipline is taking away screens.
For boys growing up being held hostage to the Man Box, this shift toward more digital and less relational connections can be even more complicated because connection asks something of us. It asks for vulnerability, and many boys are still being socialized away from that. From a young age, boys are often taught to suppress their emotions and distance themselves from anything seen as a weakness. Over time, this limits their ability to understand themselves and connect with others in meaningful ways. And when connection is no longer built into daily life, it becomes easier to disengage. Without spaces that actively support emotional honesty and connection, many boys are left without the tools to build and sustain healthy relationships.
This is not something parents can carry alone. Supporting boys and young men has to go beyond the home. It takes coaches, teachers, mentors, and adults in the community who are willing to show up consistently. But for many adults, that investment is tied to a role or responsibility. And for those outside of those roles, it often does not exist at all. What gets missed is a deeper understanding of the lives of boys and young men, what matters to them, and what they are navigating in the world around them. Without that investment, we end up reacting to behavior instead of understanding experience. And as a result, many boys and young men move through the world without consistent access to adults who are truly paying attention.
We already know that connection makes a difference. In our work with boys and young men at A Call to Men, we’ve seen boys respond differently when they have adults they trust and spaces where they can be honest. And the research backs that up. A new large-scale meta-analysis of over 280 studies found that, across age groups (including young people), loneliness can be reduced through interventions such as mentorship, opportunities for social network expansion, social and emotional skill-building, psychoeducation, and psychological interventions (American Psychological Association, 2025).
Social support through mentorship and group-based spaces creates opportunities for boys and young men to build connection and community. We see this through Youth ACT!, our youth leadership cohort, where young people are given space to be honest, support one another, and bond through shared experiences and conversation. You can’t force connection. It grows through shared experience, through conversation, and through the presence of adults who are paying attention.
Connection also grows when boys and young men feel like they belong to something larger than themselves. When they are invited to collaborate, express, and imagine together, they begin to build a sense of belonging. We see this through our annual Youth Rising Project, where young people come together through conversation, workshops, and creative expression. Young people are not there just to listen. They actively shape the conversations and experiences themselves. And in that process, many of them begin to realize they are not alone in what they are feeling.
At the same time, connection is also about having the tools to engage. Many young people are moving through the world without ever being taught how to understand their emotions, communicate clearly, or build trust. These are learned skills. And without them, connection becomes difficult to build and even harder to sustain. This is especially true for boys. When boys are socialized to suppress emotion and avoid vulnerability, connection can start to feel out of reach. Over time, that creates distance, not just from others, but from themselves.
This is why the work has to be intentional. Through efforts like our Live Respect curriculum, we are creating space for boys and young men to engage directly with these ideas, question what they have been taught, and begin building healthier ways of relating to others. Through lessons, workshops, and group discussions, boys and young men can begin to understand themselves, their relationships, and the social expectations shaping them. When that learning is made accessible to educators, coaches, and mentors, it extends beyond a single space and begins to shape entire communities.
For some young people, the need goes deeper. Support like counseling, mindfulness, and other forms of care can play an important role in helping them navigate more persistent loneliness. But what becomes clear, both in the research and in our work, is this: connection cannot be left to chance. It has to be built into the environments boys and young men move through every day, including the ones that now shape so much of their lives.
The digital world is here to stay. For many young boys and men, online spaces are where they spend their time, connect with others and understand the world around them. The issue is not whether these spaces exist, but how we choose to show up within them. We can use culture to shape culture, meeting boys and young men where they are and being intentional in connection, accountability, and care.
What is needed is a broader commitment, from adults, especially men, to show up, be present, and take responsibility for the role they play in shaping the lives of boys and young men. Because this responsibility does not begin and end with our biological sons. There is a broader community of boys that we all have a responsibility to.
There is not one way to do this. There are a thousand ways. It can look like mentorship, conversation, showing up consistently, or simply making space for boys and young men to be seen and heard. What matters is the willingness to interrupt what is happening.
The question is, are we choosing to be invested?
References
Garcia, L., Hunter, R., Anderson, N., & WHO Commission on Social Connection. (2025). From loneliness to social connection – charting a path to healthier societies: report of the WHO Commission on Social Connection. World Health Organization. https://iris.who.int/bitstream/handle/10665/381746/9789240112360- eng.pdf?sequence=1
Lasgaard, M., Qualter, P., Løvschall, C., Laustsen, L. M., Lim, M. H., Sjøl, S. E., … & Christiansen, J. (2025). Are loneliness interventions effective for reducing loneliness? A meta-analytic review of 280 studies. American Psychological Association.