By Stacie Ballin
The horror movie Obsession has inspired a surprisingly intense debate about one question: Who is the real villain? Depending on who you ask, it is Nikki.
Or perhaps it is the terrifying version of Nikki created by Bear’s wish.
Or maybe it is the mysterious force behind the wish itself.
Or the people who knowingly sell wishes despite apparently understanding how dangerous they can be.
Then there is Bear.
On its face, the answer seems obvious. The nightmare begins when Bear wishes that Nikki would love him more than anyone else in the world. His wish strips her of the ability to freely choose how she feels about him, transforming her into someone obsessive, violent, and terrifying. So why is the internet divided by so many people who seem determined to find someone other than Bear to blame?
When Kindness Becomes a Receipt
Some moviegoers have argued that Nikki knew Bear had feelings for her and took advantage of them anyway. But when did giving someone a ride create an expectation of romantic access? When did knowing someone has feelings for you become an obligation to manage those feelings? Nikki did not owe Bear a relationship because he cared about her.
It may be easy to understand how Bear got to this place. He is lonely. He is insecure. He wants to be loved. He struggles with rejection and seems to have tied much, if not all, of his self-worth to whether Nikki chooses him. Those are profoundly human experiences. Bear is not a monster, and that’s the point. Wanting someone does not make you dangerous. Being hurt by rejection does not make you dangerous. Being lonely does not make you dangerous.
The danger begins when another person’s ability to choose you becomes more important than their freedom and autonomy to choose at all.
At first, it is easy to defend him because he does not understand what his wish will do. He does not consciously decide to trap Nikki inside her own body or create a version of her that exists only to love him. But eventually he discovers that something is terribly wrong.
The real Nikki communicates with him. She is suffering. She is trapped. She begs for help. And Bear asks a question that may reveal more about the movie than anything else:
“What’s so bad about being with me?”
That is the moment when Obsession stops being a story about supernatural wishes and becomes something much more recognizable. Because Nikki doesn’t need to prove that something is wrong with Bear, she simply doesn’t want this, and that should be enough.
Understanding Pain Is Not the Same as Excusing Harm
One reason Bear is easy to empathize with is that his pain is real. Rejection can hurt. Loneliness can be devastating. When another person becomes the center of your emotional world, losing the possibility of being with them can feel much bigger than losing a relationship that never happened. It can feel like losing proof that you are lovable. Proof that you are enough. Proof that the life you imagined for yourself still might happen.
But no one else can be responsible for holding all of that. And when they take responsibility for it, rejection can start to feel less like an answer and more like an injustice. That is where obsession can take hold. The person is no longer simply someone you want to be with. They become the person you need to validate your worth. Their boundaries begin to feel like obstacles. Their “no” starts to feel like something you need to challenge or overcome.
We can have compassion for Bear’s loneliness without pretending it gives him a claim to Nikki. We can understand why rejection hurts without making the person who said “no” responsible for fixing that pain.
Maybe the Movie is Testing Us, Too
Obsession does something a lot of movies fall short on because it gives audiences a chance to reveal what they believe. Bear is sympathetic enough that we can see ourselves in him. Or someone we know. That’s why some viewers seem to start building a case against Nikki immediately.
Maybe she knew he liked her?
Maybe she should not have accepted his help?
Maybe she should have told him about Ian?
Maybe Bear did not know what the wish would do?
All of those questions can distract from the simplest one:
Does someone have the right to change another person’s feelings because they cannot accept the answer they have already been given?
The answer should be no.
Not because Bear is uniquely evil. But because Nikki’s autonomy matters whether Bear is a good person, a lonely person, or a deeply sympathetic one. That may be the most unsettling thing about Obsession. The villain does not look like a villain. He looks like someone in pain.
And sometimes, our willingness to recognize someone’s pain can make us overlook the pain they cause others. The movie asks us who the villain is, but maybe the more uncomfortable question is:
Why are we still looking for a reason to blame the woman who never got to choose?