Traditional notions of machismo—rooted in strength, courage, and providing for loved ones—can be both a source of pride and power as well as a significant obstacle in modern relationships for Latino men. According to data from Match Group’s, Chispa, the #1 dating and friendship app for Latinos, Latinas often cite machista behaviors, such as dominance or lack of emotional openness, as significant barriers to connection. By embracing a healthier machismo rooted in authenticity and openness, we create opportunities for fulfilling interactions and lasting connections.
Imagine logging onto a dating app and feeling confident that your profile reflects the real you—someone ready to connect deeply and authentically. That’s where we come in. Along with our partners at Chispa, A Call to Men has developed a list of ten actionable tips for Latino men looking to build trusting, respectful, and passionate relationships.
This guide isn’t about throwing away what it means to be macho; it’s about reimagining it. Modern machismo means balancing strength with respect, confidence with vulnerability, and passion with consent. Whether you’re navigating dating or friendship apps for the first time or looking to build stronger connections, these tips will help you embrace positive masculinity that celebrates you, your culture, and your values while fostering meaningful relationships.
1. Keep it Real: Be Your Authentic Self
- Let’s face it—dating profiles can often feel impersonal, relying on outdated photos or generic bios that don’t tell the story of who we are. While it may feel easier to take a barebones approach to your profile, it doesn’t build trust or excitement among prospective matches.
- Authenticity shows confidence and invites meaningful connections. When you present your true self, you open the door to easier, more natural conversations and interactions.
Put it into Practice:
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- Upload a recent photo that reflects who you are today. You may look great in that photo from 10 years ago, but an inaccurate or outdated first impression erodes trust and creates awkwardness down the road.
- Try sharing one specific hobby or value that matters to you. What’s one activity you could get lost in all day? A goal you have for your future? A tradition you enjoy? (i.e., “I love a Sunday carne asada with the family.”)
- Avoid editing your photos excessively—having confidence in who you are and how you appear will take you far.
- Use the profile stickers and prompts to share more about yourself and connect with others who share the same interests.
2. Communicate Your Intentions Clearly
- Mixed signals often lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and missed connections. So say what you mean and mean what you say.
- Being upfront ensures both people know what to expect. Leading with honesty allows for genuine, fun connection with everyone on the same page.
Put it into Practice:
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- Write your relationship goals in your bio: “Looking for something serious”; “Exploring meaningful connections”; “Casually dating”; etc.
- Practice starting conversations with honesty, like, “I’m here to meet someone I can laugh with.”
- Avoid overpromising—be truthful about what you’re looking for.
- Check in with yourself regularly (once a month or more) to reflect on what you want from dating. Has it changed at all? If so, share that information confidently.
3. Respect Consent in Every Interaction
- El consentimiento es esencial. Unsolicited messages or photos are never a welcome surprise. Asking before acting is always the best policy to ensure everyone involved feels respected and safe.
- Asking for consent every step of the way—from sending a message to having sex—builds trust and demonstrates emotional intelligence.
Put it into Practice:
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- Ask permission before sending photos: “Would it be okay if I sent this?”; “Any interest in receiving a photo?”
- Avoid assumptions—always check if the timing is right for a conversation.
- Always respect boundaries, no matter the activity—stop when asked and check-in regularly to make sure you’re still getting an enthusiastic “yes”.
4. Start Conversations Thoughtfully
- “Hey”; “How are you?”; “What’s up?” “Que pasa?” — We’ve all seen these generic conversation starters, and most of us have used them at one point or another to express our interest. But these start-ups often fall flat and fail to spark meaningful conversations.
- Thoughtful, unique questions create opportunities for deeper connection and show genuine interest.
Put it into Practice:
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- Ask questions that will let you get to know more about where the person comes from and what matters to them. “What’s your favorite tradition?”; “What’s one meal that always lifts your mood?”
- Challenge yourself to never answer with one word replies. Show your interest by putting time and thought into your interactions.
- Prepare 2-3 go-to questions based on your own interests or values to encourage follow-up conversation.
- Reading your match’s bio and profile to initiate conversation about something they’ve included.
5. Reframe Rejection as Growth
- As men, our machismo makes rejection feel daunting. We aren’t conditioned to “lose” with grace and humility, which means we often default to discouragement, frustration, and anger when met with rejection. Staying calm, hearing other’s concerns, and accepting the outcome is a healthier path that creates room for personal growth.
- Viewing rejection as a learning experience fosters resilience and self-improvement. We grow through what we go through – think of each “no” as a roadmap to help us find what we’re truly looking for and deserve.
Put it into Practice:
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- Practice gratitude for honest feedback—even if it’s not what you hoped to hear. “Thank you for your honesty”; “I appreciate your input”; “I’m grateful for your perspective”
- Use each rejection as a chance to clarify what you’re seeking.
- Stay focused on future opportunities rather than past disappointments.
6. Balance Tradition with Respect
- We often say la cultura cura—culture heals. We know that community and shared tradition can create unbreakable bonds, especially when rooted in empathy and respect. But cultural expectations can also hold us back and cause unintended harm when they are not aligned with who we truly are.
- Leaning into the positive elements of cultural traditions—care, celebration, providing for one another—is important. And recognizing what doesn’t serve us is just as essential to create relationships built on mutual respect and support.
Put it into Practice:
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- Be honest about the traits you’re proud of while listening to your partner’s needs.
- Avoid assuming who is taking on what roles in the relationship—ask how you can best support each other.
- Celebrate your partner’s independence alongside your cultural values.
7. Celebrate Vulnerability
- There are many cultural expectations in the Latino community around men and our relationship to vulnerability. At A Call to Men, we often talk about the Man Box — the pressures that men face to conform to who society tells us to be and how we should act as men. In the Man Box, men are expected to be unwavering, impervious to pain, and tough. We are taught not to offer or accept help, and that vulnerability equates to weakness. Many of us Latino men avoid opening up due to fears of appearing to be less of a man.
- In reality, vulnerability is absolutely essential to fostering trust and deepening emotional connections. When we are honest with ourselves and others about what we need and who we are, we are able to break free from the constraints of our ideas of machismo. This leads to happier, more fulfilling lives for us and for others.
Put it into Practice:
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- Share a personal story that reflects who you are. When do you feel most like yourself? What is a relationship that’s important in your life?
- Practice active listening when your match shares their feelings in turn. “Thank you for sharing”; “I can relate”; etc.
- Let your guard down by admitting when you feel nervous or excited.
8. Practice Digital Etiquette
- Over-eager messaging or impatience can come across as disrespectful. Remember, we’re all moving at our own pace, and we are not inherently entitled to anyone’s time or attention.
- Thoughtful communication shows maturity and respect for boundaries. Not only is this trait attractive—it also creates room for excitement, curiosity, and intentionality.
Put it into Practice:
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- Limit messages to one or two at a time—avoid spamming.
- Respect response times without pressuring your match.
- Keep messages polite and considerate, even if you don’t get the response you want.
- Before sending a message, ask yourself, “Would I feel respected receiving this?”
9. Highlight Shared Values
- Finding someone who is a match for your priorities and values is much easier when you make it clear what matters to you. Dating profiles often lack depth, making it hard to connect on shared priorities.
- Emphasizing your own investment in your values—whether spending time with family or taking pride in your resilience—will draw in compatible matches.
Put it into Practice:
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- Share stories about family traditions or meaningful experiences in your bio.
- Use photos that reflect your lifestyle and your community.
- Ask your match about their values during conversations. “What are the most important things in your life?” “What gives you purpose or pride?”
10. Enjoy the Process…And Make Sure Others Do, Too
- In today’s world, dating can sometimes feel like a competition or a conquest, which creates an immense amount of pressure.
- Shifting the focus to finding connection reduces stress and fosters mutual respect. Move at a pace that feels right for both parties, have fun, and check in regularly with each other to make the most of it.
Put it into Practice:
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- Approach each interaction with curiosity and kindness rather than expectations.
- Celebrate shared experiences, even if they don’t lead to a relationship.
- Compliment your match’s qualities that stand out to you.
Dating is about connection, not conquest. By embracing respect, consent, and pride in who we are, we can create meaningful relationships that honor where we’ve come from and the values we hold dear. Remember, ser macho es ser respetuoso—to be macho is to be respectful.