By Tony Porter, CEO of A Call to Men
Not long ago, a story went viral of a man attempting to marry his AI chatbot. Most of us laughed or shook our heads. But when I watched it, my reaction was different: this is not just odd or amusing. It’s dangerous.
Dangerous because technology, for all its brilliance, often amplifies what already exists. And in a male-dominated society where men are socialized to see women as less valuable, as property, and as objects, technology will always find new ways to advance those harmful beliefs. From the peep shows of my youth in New York City, to 900 numbers, to the rise of OnlyFans, to now AI companions—the through line is clear. We keep inventing new tools to reinforce the objectification of women.
And the deeper we dive into technology, the more we risk losing our humanity in the process.
Loneliness among men is real. But what disturbs me most today is how the manosphere has twisted that pain into something more insidious. Instead of addressing the roots of loneliness, which include unresolved trauma, emotional suppression, and isolation, there’s now a coordinated effort to blame women for men’s loneliness.
That shift is dangerous. Because it doesn’t just misdiagnose the problem, it weaponizes it. It creates online communities where the only “solution” is intensified misogyny and violence against women. Men searching for connection online may start with an innocent Google search about feeling lonely, but a few clicks later, they’re in digital echo chambers that feed their frustration and direct their anger outward.
That’s not healing. That’s harm.
There’s another danger here, too: what happens to men themselves. When we use AI to write our text messages, craft our dating profiles, or simulate companionship, we move further away from our authentic selves.
Healthy masculinity lives in authenticity. It lives in showing up as our whole selves. Not just performing a role. But when we outsource our humanity to a machine, we double down on the “role self” instead of embracing the “whole self.”
This doesn’t just affect dating or friendships. It seeps into how we parent, how we show up as sons, brothers, uncles, and how we lead in politics, law enforcement, or the military. Every sphere of life that men dominate risks becoming even more disconnected, less humane, and more destructive.
I’ve been giving talks on “The Man Box” for nearly two decades. If I gave my TED Talk today, the foundation would be the same: men are still taught to devalue women, treat them as property, and objectify them, three pillars of socialization that fuel violence against women and girls.
What’s changed are the examples. AI, loneliness, and online radicalization are today’s expressions of the same old problem.
And here’s what makes this urgent: by the time a boy is ten years old, he already understands the rules of The Man Box. He already knows what society expects of him: be tough, don’t cry, distance yourself from girls, and never appear “soft.” I’ve been in rooms with men ages 8 to 80, and tragically, the conversations often sound the same. That’s how deep the problem runs.
So when women line up after a keynote to thank me, it’s not about me. It’s about the depth of the problem and the urgency of now.
Where Do We Go From Here?
The answer isn’t to throw away technology. It’s to use it differently and to build a human connection alongside it. Men need intentional spaces to be together, not just around sports or surface-level talk, but in authentic ways. Third spaces, such as walking clubs, church, stroller groups, dog parks, fraternity gatherings, and golf courses, may seem simple, but they’re radical because they create space for men to connect without shame.
And yes, we need to confront homophobia head-on. Homophobia is the glue that keeps The ManBox intact. It keeps men from bonding with each other out of fear of being seen as “gay” or “weak.” Until we unlearn that, intimacy between men, emotional, spiritual, brotherly intimacy, will continue to be policed.
But it’s precisely that intimacy, that connection, that will save our humanity.
If you remember nothing else from this piece, remember this:
You need to be connected to other people outside of a screen.
Every young man should have a relationship with an older man. Every older man should have a relationship with a young man. And those connections don’t have to be biological. They just have to be real.
What if the thing we had in common wasn’t a sports team, or even a hobby, but the simple understanding that we need each other? That we need to be connected. That connection itself is the common ground.
That’s how we move beyond loneliness. That’s how we resist the pull of AI as a substitute for intimacy. And that’s how we begin to unlearn the destructive lessons of the man box—together.
Because our humanity is at stake.